Is age just a matter of numbers?

Today is the day my monthly column appears in the Custer Chronicle at Custer, S.D. So for the thousands of blog readers out there (I'm just kidding), here's today's column from out there, with a couple of the items similar to what has appeared on this blogsite before:

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Your sympathy is not what I'm seeking today, but the week before last, I went through nine days when I didn't feel well. Coughing and hacking, a dripping nose, an aching back---and to make matters worse, my grandson had some of the same maladies, and that kept him home from his daycare destination five of those nine days. He and I felt awful together.
What got me to thinking about how badly I felt was the painful fact that I endured another birthday on Feb. 3. This one ends in a "9," which means that next year's birthday is one of those meaningful ones that ends in a "0." I suspect some people close to me will make a big deal of it. They had better do so because suddenly I feel as if I'm on the downward slide toward who-knows-what.
I read somewhere the other day that it's scary when your body starts making the same noises as your coffeemaker.
One of my problems is that all of these new people who give me reason to live as long as I possibly can---kids and grandkids---took so long to start appearing in my life. When one doesn't get married until he's 32, that happens. I jokingly blame my dad for that genetic trait---he didn't get married until he was 44, and by the time I showed up, he was already 45. Unfortunately he lived only to age 70 and got to see only the first of his grandchildren, and she was only six months old when he passed away. As for me, just to see my oldest grandchild graduate from high school, I'm going to have to make it to 81.
On my birthday the Sioux Falls paper contained a feature story on a lady up at Chancellor who lives alone and who was turning 99 that day. A photo showed her playing her upright piano. Since she and I share the same birthday as well as keyboard skills, I sent her a birthday card. I told her I hope to also live to be 99, which in my case, will mean 30 more years. That's a positive goal worth striving toward because it will mean I get to see the grandkids grow up, graduate and marry, but it will also mean I will get to see Jason at 65, Ryan at 62, and Heather and Holly at age 59. That will be interesting! And I wonder if, by that time, I will have seen the Cubs get to the World Series once and/or the Vikings win a Super Bowl once. But hey, a guy can't have everything, so I'll take 30 years of health good enough to keep me ticking and let those other extreme occurrences happen by chance, if at all.
It may take a lot of exercise, prune juice, prayer and extreme good luck, but I'll work at it.
Did you hear about the patient who visited his primary-care doctor for extensive lab tests and was told he was doing "fairly well" for his age? The gentleman asked his doctor if he thought he would live to be 80.
"Do you smoke tobacco or drink beer or wine?" the doctor asked.
"Oh no," the man replied. "I don't do drugs either."
Then the doctor asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?"
"No," the patient answered. "My former doctor told me red meat isn't very healthful."
"Do you spend a lot of time in the sun like playing golf, sailing, hiking or bicycling?"
"No, I don't," the man said.
"Well," asked the doctor, "do you gamble, drive fast cars or have a lot of sex?"
"No, none of those things either," the man said.
The doctor looked at him and said, "Then why do you even give a hoot?"
I'm not admitting that I see myself in that patient, but my memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Life goes on. As I write this, most of my sniffles are gone, I am coughing less, and my backache is bearable. Let's take it one day at a time and consider each new day that dawns to be a blessing.
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Perhaps it's a failing in my personal makeup that causes me to distrust politicians---almost all of them. Something happens to almost every one of them once he or she crosses the Potomac and settles in in Washington. That fact wasn't helped any by that fiasco of a television special in Congress last week when a committee questioned baseball pitcher Roger Clemens and his former trainer, Brian McNamee.
What especially ticked me off was that the line of questioning went, for the most part, along party lines. What in heaven's name does that hearing on steroids in baseball have to do with political affiliation! But there they were, the Democrats flailing on Clemens and the Republicans kissing his well-punctured behind while directing their venom at McNamee. If those people are typical of the full membership in Congress, then we have more problems than any two presidential candidates will ever be able to solve.
Sweeping all 435 House members and those senators who are up for re-election out the door and back to real jobs might not be a bad idea.
Politics being what it is, we either have to participate in it or ignore it. As I mentioned in an earlier column, this year is far too interesting and fascinating to ignore it. Can you believe some of the far-right Republican wackos who worship Rush Limbaugh say they prefer not to vote in the presidential election than support John McCain? That's a great way to participate in the process!
The Republicans' bigger problem may be that McCain is going to have the nomination wrapped up any day now. For what reason then, I ask you, will we have to pay any attention to him until the convention this summer? The Republicans will no doubt feel happy and warm and fuzzy and "united" behind one candidate while the Democrats, with two obviously outstanding candidates fighting tooth and nail perhaps into the summer and to the convention in Denver, will be on the front pages and the TV screens and in our conversations on a daily basis.
Wouldn't it be fun to be one of those so-called superdelegates to the Democratic convention in whose hands the choosing of the presidential candidate may rest? I was reading a story about a lady in a small town in Minnesota who happens to be one, and she was telling about some of the phone calls she has been receiving. Pick up the phone and Madeleine Albright is on the line, and then Bill Clinton, and then Chelsea Clinton, and then Michelle Obama, and then Hillary Clinton herself.
If I am one of those superdelegates, do I vote for the candidate the majority of my own state's voters favored? Do I vote my own conscience and choose the candidate I think would be the better president? Do I vote for the candidate who can do the most for me individually---perhaps the promise of a cabinet post or a favor for down the road? Do I cave in to pressure and vote with the rest of the superdelegates from my state, succumbing to backroom threats?
Perhaps never again in our lifetimes will presidential politics be as interesting, minute by minute, as it is this year. That's not a bad thing.
And on we go to Texas and Ohio.
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About the time we were observing Groundhog Day, an e-mail made the rounds and made a good point. As a result I'll never worry (as if I ever did) about whether Punxutawney Phil sees his shadow because whether he does or doesn't, in South Dakota it's always good news.
You see, if the groundhog doesn't see his shadow, spring is just around the corner. That's good news. But if he sees his shadow, we have only six more weeks of winter. Here in South Dakota, where winter extends into April and sometimes May, that too is good news. So we can't lose.
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As if the U.S. economy isn't in bad enough shape, there's news that, on March 20-21 at least, it's likely to take a nosedive because of the lack of productivity in the workforce. You see, those are the first two days of the NCAA men's college basketball tournament---they call it "March Madness" even though it won't end this year until April 7---and on that Thursday and Friday, there are games live on TV from 9 a.m. till bedtime.
What makes it worse---some of us would say "better"---this year is that CBS is going to make available all tournament games live online without any blackout restrictions. So you will be able to sit at your office computer and watch to your heart's content, hoping of course that the boss is gone those two days.
If he's not, there is a recourse. CBS will also offer a "boss button." In case the boss wanders too close to your cubicle, just hit the "boss button" and instantly a spreadsheet will appear on the screen, covering up the basketball.
Last year when I was in my dark little corner of the Chronicle office, my only way to follow the NCAA games was to click on the espn.com scoreboard and check the scores. This year I'll be positioned in front of my television set, snacks and dog alongside, from morning to night. But the thought of pressing that "boss button" each time Charley wanders nearby is rather amusing.
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Good luck to the Wildcat teams in the district tournaments! I'll be watching for your scores each night.