Too good not to share!

Here's a great column by Mark Bazer from today's Chicago Tribune that is too real and too entertaining not to share. (No, Hillary, I'm not plagiarizing; I'm simply copying.) It's titled, "CNN projects that CNN is annoying you":

CNN, early Tuesday evening ...

Wolf Blitzer: Welcome back to CNN Election Headquarters, where we are just beginning to hear the results from Texas. Based on exit polling, we can report that Barack Obama has so far received 100 percent of the vote, receiving one vote, while Hillary Clinton has received zero votes. As impressive as that margin is, we caution that it's still too early to declare Sen. Obama a winner in the state. However, we can tell you that the person who cast his ballot for Obama has told us that his cousin also probably voted for Obama. John King, what would that mean?

John King, CNN Chief Political Correspondent: Wolf, it would mean two votes for Barack Obama and still zero for Hillary Clinton.

Wolf Blitzer: Thank you, John. To see what John just said in graphic form, log on to cnn.com. Let's go now to CNN Senior Political Correspondent Candy Crowley, who is at the Clinton headquarters in Columbus, Ohio. Candy, what are you hearing from the Clinton campaign?

Candy Crowley: Wolf, the people I'm talking to in the Clinton campaign are very upbeat, very optimistic, plenty of smiles, lots of laughter. Back to you, Wolf.

Wolf Blitzer: Thank you, Candy. We'll check back in with you a little later to ask you the same thing and have you give us the same answer. Meanwhile, CNN now is projecting Sen. Obama to be the winner in Vermont. Unfortunately, for Obama, CNN also has learned that Vermont has voted to secede from the U.S. In the Republican race, CNN now is projecting John McCain to be the winner in all four primaries tonight, meaning he has won the Republican ... hold on, we have some breaking news. Moments ago in Sweden, every living Nobel Prize-winning scientist gathered to unanimously declare that evolution is a sham and that the Earth was in fact created in six days. Ooh, too little, too late for Mike Huckabee. Anyhow, Sen. McCain is scheduled to meet with George Bush at the White House tomorrow, where the president will officially endorse him. McCain will then immediately get on an airplane and head to the Corcoran State Prison in California to receive the equally helpful endorsement of Charles Manson. Let's now bring in CNN Internet reporter Abbi Tatton to update us on what's going on over at cnn.com.

Abbi Tatton: Thank you, Wolf. At cnn.com, we basically have the same information you're presenting on air, but the advantage for visitors to the site is that they don't have to listen to or look at you.

Wolf Blitzer: Thank you, Abbi. Here's hoping someone clicks on a banner ad this month at cnn.com so you're not laid off. OK, back to Ohio where, CNN has learned, Hillary Clinton has jumped out to an early lead, with 23 votes to Barack Obama's 14 votes. Bear in mind, however, that tally does not include anybody who's not currently in Shooters Bar and Grill in Toledo, where CNN's Dana Bash is. Dana?

Dana Bash: That's right, Wolf, we ...

Wolf Blitzer: Sorry to interrupt, Dana, but CNN now is hearing that actress Jeri Ryan has given birth to a baby girl. While we caution that it's still too early to know the name of the baby, CNN is projecting that she will be named Sophie. The race in Texas, meanwhile, is tightening. With .0000000009 percent of the vote in, Sen. Clinton now has jumped out to a .000000459 percent lead. Let's go back to Candy Crowley at Clinton campaign headquarters in Ohio.

Candy Crowley: Wolf, the mood here has turned grim, as everyone is coming to the realization that this campaign is hardly over and no one will be going back to their lives and families any time ...

Wolf: Candy, hold that thought. CNN is now projecting that all of our viewers are turning off the ...

CLICK.